Dialectics of Age

This whole discussion around the relationship between adulthood and childhood has been more active in me lately, and these posts are a way in which I can play with all of this. So please excuse my indulgences here.

There is an image that I have turned to that helps to better understand the relationship between the ever unfolding child self and the adult self. This is the spruce tree with its fresh new growth that extends out from its older branches.

This image is in such contrast to how we tend to see the relationship between our child self and our adult self. Typically we see the inner child as our inner most self who was there for us during our early years but as the years past, this childhood becomes more and more encased in layers of experience, thought structures, and a developing sense of identity.

The spruce tree image has helped me to see that this child aspect of our self is not something that is surrounded by the rings of annual growth, but rather the child’s self is what is springing forth in creative and exuberant reach out from beyond our usual personality.

One of the things that I have been grappling with for many years has been that at a key point in my early life when I was a teenager, I came to a certain fundamental conclusion that “I will only do what I really want to do”. This may sound a little spoiled, or that it interferes with me being able to complete tasks that are not fun, exciting, and reaching out from a more sedate self. And all of this is true. This operating philosophy has gotten me into so much trouble and has made it really hard for me to persist with tasks that are less appealing in the moment.

This brings me too a new and exciting development that is in the works around this line of thinking.

Have you ever taken a motivational workshop? Have you ever listened to a Tony Robbins tape? Have you ever spent money on a course that pumps you up but only resulted in the end with a smaller bank account? This is quite the familiar territory for me. So difficult has it been for me to stay with a course of commitment that can help build something that is valuable in my life such as regular exercise, meditation, or building a business.

So take a look at this image which crossed my path recently and it describes this struggle I have had, and likely so many others have had, with regards to what we would call the “comfort zone”. We naturally gravitate towards habits and patterns of behavior and lifestyle that are easier. Gym memberships depend on New Year’s resolutions to pay for the majority of costs for the year as so many people are unable to break out of the gravitational force of their comfort zone anywhere past January.

In a workshop I once took, they talked a lot about this idea of the comfort zone and how difficult but incredibly important it is to work towards getting out of there if you are wanting to build your right livelihood or just get out of stuckness.

So I look at this diagram and it strikes me at how similar it is to the image of the young spruce sprigs. The growth zone finding purpose living our dreams for filling our goals, this is arguably the outer reaches of ourselves that so many of us have a hard time following through with.

So if we are to envision the nature of our adult self as being the core from which new growth emerges than this could help with the problem of the comfort zone. It is as if the adult self, in all of its maturity, wisdom and steadfastness, that this is not the pinnacle of achievement, but rather it is the center from which ongoing development can happen.

However at the same time we may think of new development, or the “growth zone”, as being something that we have to force ourselves to do. No! our engagement in this way, if rooted in a sense of, “I am only going to do what I want to do”, where spontaneity, creativity, playfulness, not taking oneself to seriously, taking risks, all are factored in to what is happening outside of our comfort zone. To trust this approach, and to tap into this zone of our unformed extending self is so wonderful, as I think I have experienced, and where “education” is coming from not just filling up with information, but “drawing out” which according to Francis Weller, is the meaning of the root word Educare. So rather than seeing the growth zone as being a hardship, it is rather that which we are standing on with strength of our maturity, that seeks to thrive, in the spirit of pleasure, novelty and fulfillment. And as this reaches out, it begins to take shape as new growth.