We can at times face challenges in life that can be really hard. The teenage social scene is a good example of this. We need others, we need a sense of belonging and finding ones way in the rat race of the teen social scene can be not only hard, it can be down right traumatic.
Another challenge can be our families. Here we live with these people day in and day out and it is so important, but it can also be incredibly stressful. I know for myself, that even though my family was over all a decent and caring family, there were still dynamics going on that led me to being basically pretty messed up for years into my young adulthood.
There is this thing that can happen with these challenges where we get knocked off the “developmental track.” Life is going along alright but then, things are not going well, we are not happy, things are getting harder and harder and we may feel overwhelmed and incredibly confused.
Sometimes a person will be off the track, that steady forward progress in life, for years. Some people may grow in age, but they have become knocked off the track where they are stuck, on some level, at that age when it all came down. Do you ever notice someone acting like a 7 year old even though they are fully grown? Tweeting out insults with language that many teens ultimately realize are just way too immature?
Getting back on track is important and often it has to do with working through disruptions in our relationships, such as with our parents. A young person’s voice is so important, and is often misunderstood or simply not heard by the adults who matter in their lives. This is not that a youth’s voice should automatically be seen as the gospel truth, but again, it is about relationship, about being heard, about having that adult tune into what that person is really saying, and why are they hurting.
When there is a breakthrough in communication, sometimes tears can flow, or that a relationship can get back on track, as well as that person who is hurting. Welcoming a young person’s voice is essential in so many ways. Indeed, sometimes I tune into what my teenage sensibility is saying, what creative idea did it come up with the other day, how I feel lonely or something, and I speak it, though it might be embarrassing, still, it is part of my developmental flow, my life force, the through line of my energy of desire, of a creative urge to be apart of life in a way where I can shine rather than be silent and resentful. In our student newspaper years ago, we printed a rewrite of a saying that was posted on the wall of my chemistry class.
“Tis better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”
to
“Tis better to speak when taught be a fool, then to be silent and remain in doubt.”
Dialectics of Age 